this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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