I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
