Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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