he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I deserve this hangover.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
