oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
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You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
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You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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