i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
