You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
