Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
