dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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