I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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