"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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