Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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