oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
