i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just googled if crying burns calories
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
