just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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