ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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