You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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