you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
sarcasm needs its own font
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
