we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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