She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
