look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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