she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
two words: eviction party
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
