Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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