I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
please come you make the beer taste better
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
