I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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