go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
