I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
