Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
