i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
