my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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