we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
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I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
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She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.