fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
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i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
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In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.