Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
