Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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