he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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