I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
