drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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