Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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