I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
