I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
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Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
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I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity