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thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
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