Texts From Last Night

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  (281): View more from Texas

  Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.

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  (281): Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills. http://tfl.nu/z224
  Replies (11) Good night (1020) Bad night (602)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.

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  (401): Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends. http://tfl.nu/34is
  Replies (28) Good night (646) Bad night (4016)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"

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  (208): She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it" http://tfl.nu/kuso
  Replies (27) Good night (698) Bad night (4639)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.

  (917): View more from New York City

  Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.

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  (203): She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday. (917): Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA. http://tfl.nu/ow5e
  Replies (11) Good night (9350) Bad night (1303)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  #1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex

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  (503): #1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex http://tfl.nu/si5x
  Replies (10) Good night (987) Bad night (3292)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.

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  (925): Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip. http://tfl.nu/xswv
  Replies (4) Good night (1945) Bad night (1027)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing

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  (573): If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing http://tfl.nu/6uck
  Replies (10) Good night (2518) Bad night (959)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?

  (1-207): View more from Maine

  I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.

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  (207): Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I? (1-207): I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me. http://tfl.nu/4usu
  Replies (5) Good night (2886) Bad night (959)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket

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  (+44): you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket http://tfl.nu/sq21
  Replies (2) Good night (764) Bad night (430)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.

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  (307): He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver. http://tfl.nu/9q9z
  Replies (10) Good night (1221) Bad night (400)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac

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  (516): I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac http://tfl.nu/kqv2
  Replies (4) Good night (307) Bad night (528)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!

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  (904): Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday! http://tfl.nu/ki05
  Replies (2) Good night (542) Bad night (336)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.

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  (612): This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running. http://tfl.nu/k8o9
  Replies (1) Good night (302) Bad night (524)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..

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  (570): Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom.. http://tfl.nu/s4j3
  Replies (1) Good night (302) Bad night (169)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."

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  (323): She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it." http://tfl.nu/wbyt
  Replies (8) Good night (995) Bad night (296)

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