I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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