Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed

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(845): View more from New York

Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.

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(206): View more from Washington

How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(203): View more from Connecticut

Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home

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(224): View more from Illinois

That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.

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(631): View more from New York

he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan

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(503): View more from Oregon

You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.

(405): View more from Oklahoma

... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?

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