I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.