if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
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Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"