i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
