i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
