this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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