I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
