Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just high enough for therapy.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
