I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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