Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
