i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
