That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
