I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
