my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
