home. puking in laundry basket.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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