Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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