Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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