If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
