Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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