Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
