apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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