did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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