Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.

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(407): Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007. http://tfl.nu/n4mi

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.

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(814): I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party. http://tfl.nu/nrd6

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(703): View more from Virginia

Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend

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(703): Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend http://tfl.nu/gm3r

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(201): View more from New Jersey

You kept calling me your small dog last night.

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(201): You kept calling me your small dog last night. http://tfl.nu/02jw

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(817): View more from Texas

He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house

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(817): He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house http://tfl.nu/yyye

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!

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(321): right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!! http://tfl.nu/ghmc

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(807): View more from Ontario

I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.

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(807): I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order. http://tfl.nu/8dgh

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(561): View more from Florida

And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."

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(561): And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips." http://tfl.nu/kfac

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(970): View more from Colorado

We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.

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(970): We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers. http://tfl.nu/cjb4

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.

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(508): I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn. http://tfl.nu/62bv

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(425): View more from Washington

The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.

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(425): The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned. http://tfl.nu/65g6

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(925): View more from California

Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.

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(925): Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this. http://tfl.nu/xd0j

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(214): View more from Texas

Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"

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(214): Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types" http://tfl.nu/3nt2

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(954): View more from Florida

Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?

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(954): Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over? http://tfl.nu/e816

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(860): View more from Connecticut

NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW

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(860): NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW http://tfl.nu/dzo6

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