I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
