I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
