White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
apparently the secret to your success is patron
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
