there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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