singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
