Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
